As I’m typing this, I haven’t seen my wife for almost 6 months. She does humanitarian work abroad and is currently in Congo.
I miss her so damn much!
I’ll see her again in a few days when she comes to meet me in Medellín, Colombia, where I’ve stayed for the past 5 months. I can’t wait to show her what I’ve been up to this whole time!
Communication during that past 6 months was terrible. She works in an area with no internet and barely any electricity. She comes back to the city during the weekends where internet just keeps cutting.
For the past 6 months, the bulk of our vocal conversations sounded something like that:
“Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Hello? Aww, fuckin’ internet!”
Needless to say, it wasn’t optimal.
We could send Whatsapp messages on weekends but it’s really not the same. Sometimes during the week she had access to a phone and could call me, but it was always so late for her and she was really tired after her 12-hour work days.
With all that, I can’t help but sympathize with other couples that have been through the same. It’s really hard and I can easily understand why so many couples break up when that happens.
As we all know, good communication is important for any relationship and especially for married couples.
The Naked Girl
Now, I bet you’re wondering what’s up with the naked girl part.
Every month, I choose 3 new skills to learn for the month, practicing for between 15–20 hours each. This month, I practiced stretching exercises, Becoming a Superlearner, and portrait photography.
I’m sure you can guess which one led to the naked girl :)
I’ve been doing semi-professional photography for some time now, shooting NGO operations and other business-related events and I thought it was time for me to step up my game. I had never really done portrait photography, even though the best shots from my other contracts were always of people.
At the beginning of the month, I learned everything I could about portrait photography. I broke it down into about 10 sub-skills and obsessed over every little detail. I’m usually far from a perfectionist but since I was doing that for other people, I couldn’t afford to do a bad job.
I had 3 models lined up. All of them had never done it before.
Even more pressure on me!
The word spread at the co-working space about my photography skills and that’s when I got a most-interesting request for doing a boudoir photo shoot.
Without giving it much thought, she and I went through the kinds of photos we wanted to do (link +/- SFW). I’ve always been intrigued by it and really wanted to do it someday, so I jumped on the opportunity.
Then when it came time to figure out where to shoot, that’s when my mind started racing. We were looking into places to shoot and none of the hotel rooms seemed to work. That’s when she found what they call Motels here.
Don’t picture a cheaper hotel on the side of the road here. Picture a full-on hotel where people go to have sex and pay by the hour.
I couldn’t help but think: “Is this borderline cheating?”
I did internet research and it sure seemed like girls were not enthused at the idea, to say the least.
The advice I got from men was almost always the same: “Do it and never tell your wife.”
When I asked couples, it certainly seemed like the girls weren’t very open to the idea of their men taking photos of random naked chicks.
How Taking Photos of the Naked Girl Strengthened my Marriage
I couldn’t sleep for a couple of days thinking about that.
Was I cheating on my wife in some way?
Certainly, I don’t mean to. I love her so much. The advice was so all over the place that I couldn’t find a clear path out of this.
In this context, I actually don’t see the naked part as something sexual, but rather as something artistic and beautiful. Almost poetic. That’s what photography is about for me. The beauty of nature. There’s nothing more natural and beautiful than the human body.
I ended by taking advice from a girlfriend who’s also in a strong relationship. She and I think alike on multiple aspects and I figured she’d give me some clarity.
She agreed that the best move was to be completely honest about it. There was no doubt in my mind on that. I can’t lie and have never lied to her. I’ve never even tried. We tell each other everything all the time.
But given the circumstances, with her being in Congo and us being apart for so long, I felt like it wasn’t an easy message to deliver. There was no way her internet connection would be good enough for us to talk about it, so I opted for a Whatsapp message.
For the sake of full transparency, here’s the exact message, translated into English:
I haven’t been sleeping for two days because something is bothering me and I don’t know how to get to the subject on the phone with our shitty internet connection. A girl here asked me for a boudoir photoshoot. Considering the nature of the photoshoot, I don’t know if you’re comfortable with that. All the guys tell me to just do it and not tell you anything but you know me, I don’t want to hide anything from you. To be honest, I would really like to do it. This is probably the only chance I would have to do it professionally. I really don’t know how to express myself so it doesn’t sound like I just want to see a naked chick. It’s really not that. And I think you can understand that it’s just for practice.
What do you think of that? Am I going too far?”
If you’re a girl, in a similar situation or not, how would you react to such a message?
She saw the message shortly after but didn’t reply until 3 hours later. I was a nervous wreck. I really didn’t know what that meant. I couldn’t focus on my work.
I then got a voice message. It turns out she was just very busy with work since she’s leaving Congo very soon. The end result?
I’ve got the most amazing wife in the world. But it’s not like I didn’t know that already. Here’s the response, translated into English:
“Please, don’t worry about this, go ahead and do the shoot. I have no doubt or problem, I understand. I have all the trust in the world in you. I know you love me and I know you do this for professional reasons. I’m completely fine with that. In my work, I see naked people all the time, so I know it’s not sexual haha.”
I was so relieved that she understood where I was coming from.
I could have gone for the advice I got from most men: do it and never tell her about it.
Guys, that’s terrible advice if you’re looking to have a strong long-term relationship.
Trust is GOLD!
I was picturing the scenario where she discovers the photos a few months or years after. Isn’t it more awkward to talk about it then? Would she trust my story then?
I don’t think I would. And being a guy, I’m sure I’d fuck the story up and it would sound a lot worst then it really was.
Always be honest. Seriously.
The result from this whole experience is that we both love each other even more.
When people ask me how we managed to be apart for so long (twice), it really boils down to this whole story. We care for each deeply, communicate about everything, are honest, and trust each other.
I’d be a terrible guy to give you advice on dating girls since I’ve been with my wife (almost) the majority of my life but if you’re looking for lasting strong relationships, think deeply about the lesson here.
You can do this!